Wednesday, 23 July 2014

"i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things".

"i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things".

there are times when you have absolutely nothing to do. and then there are times when you have so much to do. its natural to think this way. in times when you have nothing to do, you sometimes think so much. you think, introspect, consider, ponder, you mend decisions, speeches, and then you re think on what you have thought is correct or not. you may feel that in situations when you have a lot to do, these things wont ever come. they dont actually.  but you know the worst part, some thoughts are so strong, they have kinda nurtured themsleves in last few moments so immensly that they manage to strike upon your small mind with a great momentum. this really makes you feel weak about yourself. you realise that there are a few things you cant simply run from.  I wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. i actually never regret a few wrong things i did. reason?! point 1. since i usually dont do wrong things, doing a few wrong things helps make me feel human about myself. i feel i am not some alien from some foreign planet. i belong to this world. i am ordinary. point 2. every small or big mistake helps me grow as an individual. personal growth. 

but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. not because i dont like the things they are right now. but simply because when i imagine how the things must have been had those things be undone, thinking this gives me pleasure. the very thought of  being a part of completely different life somewhere sends a strong wave of some energy; a wave which starts somewhere from deep within my eyes (i keep dreaming all through my eyes all the time), and ends somewhere within my gut. it gives a strong tickling feeling somewhere within me and my eyes ...all filled with a completely abstract sense of happiness and satisfaction. but soon the very thought of this being a dream comes to me when that small tickling feeling starts becoming a pain. and that wave of energy is felt like a part of some painful soul screaming to get freed from this cage of dark body. but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things.

i still fail to realise about the complexity of a human mind. why is it the way it is. i mean, give it a thought. the thing which created everything --> buildings, ships, aeroplanes, robots, internet, computers, huh... everything.. that thing is still a FAILURE in able to understand itself. brain doesnt understand itself. 

 but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. if those things hadnt been the way they were, if. and if. the things now must have been entirely different.

Anthony Peake says in his book that there is nothing like "a universe" and that every person has his own universe and it is the universe of so many people which only interfere with that of yours. ha ha! this all makes sense sometimes. and when a person x dies, x dies in my universe and continues to live in his own universe and also in that of so many other people's universe he was linked with. lets work out what are the possiblities. 
1. interference- constructive and destructive. constructive. all right. we all know how some people make our place a better place to be in. we all have those well wishers in our life.

destructive. all right. this is your boss sitting on your head all the time and forcing you to do some ass licking task. and the worst part... you have to do it.

2. overlapping- you know. its love. that is why it is said. in love, i am you and you are me.

3. can there be anything possible besides these? is there any other possiblity? yes. the last possibility is that 'nothing' happens. for example, you dont know anything about my mathematics teacher. so, he must be a "nothing" in your universe. in other words, these are two waves doing nothing with each other. 

but then any thing else? is there any other possiblity with the waves? umm .. no i guess. okay. is there any other possibility, like in, is there any other person who doesnt plots in any region of venn diagrams of constructive, destructive and overlapping. yes! there are people who dont leave your universe as such. but then, they all of a sudden stop forming a part of your universe also, that is, they are neither constructive nor destructive and obviously not overlapping. i guess this is the point where the energys disturb. as in, what will happen to those waves then? oh my god! it is  sucha pain in my head to think all this. i told you know. brain doesnt understand itself. 

but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. 

but at the end, we wish. we could wish whatever we feel like. and you know what, this is the best part!

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