Wednesday, 23 July 2014

"i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things".

"i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things".

there are times when you have absolutely nothing to do. and then there are times when you have so much to do. its natural to think this way. in times when you have nothing to do, you sometimes think so much. you think, introspect, consider, ponder, you mend decisions, speeches, and then you re think on what you have thought is correct or not. you may feel that in situations when you have a lot to do, these things wont ever come. they dont actually.  but you know the worst part, some thoughts are so strong, they have kinda nurtured themsleves in last few moments so immensly that they manage to strike upon your small mind with a great momentum. this really makes you feel weak about yourself. you realise that there are a few things you cant simply run from.  I wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. i actually never regret a few wrong things i did. reason?! point 1. since i usually dont do wrong things, doing a few wrong things helps make me feel human about myself. i feel i am not some alien from some foreign planet. i belong to this world. i am ordinary. point 2. every small or big mistake helps me grow as an individual. personal growth. 

but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. not because i dont like the things they are right now. but simply because when i imagine how the things must have been had those things be undone, thinking this gives me pleasure. the very thought of  being a part of completely different life somewhere sends a strong wave of some energy; a wave which starts somewhere from deep within my eyes (i keep dreaming all through my eyes all the time), and ends somewhere within my gut. it gives a strong tickling feeling somewhere within me and my eyes ...all filled with a completely abstract sense of happiness and satisfaction. but soon the very thought of this being a dream comes to me when that small tickling feeling starts becoming a pain. and that wave of energy is felt like a part of some painful soul screaming to get freed from this cage of dark body. but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things.

i still fail to realise about the complexity of a human mind. why is it the way it is. i mean, give it a thought. the thing which created everything --> buildings, ships, aeroplanes, robots, internet, computers, huh... everything.. that thing is still a FAILURE in able to understand itself. brain doesnt understand itself. 

 but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. if those things hadnt been the way they were, if. and if. the things now must have been entirely different.

Anthony Peake says in his book that there is nothing like "a universe" and that every person has his own universe and it is the universe of so many people which only interfere with that of yours. ha ha! this all makes sense sometimes. and when a person x dies, x dies in my universe and continues to live in his own universe and also in that of so many other people's universe he was linked with. lets work out what are the possiblities. 
1. interference- constructive and destructive. constructive. all right. we all know how some people make our place a better place to be in. we all have those well wishers in our life.

destructive. all right. this is your boss sitting on your head all the time and forcing you to do some ass licking task. and the worst part... you have to do it.

2. overlapping- you know. its love. that is why it is said. in love, i am you and you are me.

3. can there be anything possible besides these? is there any other possiblity? yes. the last possibility is that 'nothing' happens. for example, you dont know anything about my mathematics teacher. so, he must be a "nothing" in your universe. in other words, these are two waves doing nothing with each other. 

but then any thing else? is there any other possiblity with the waves? umm .. no i guess. okay. is there any other possibility, like in, is there any other person who doesnt plots in any region of venn diagrams of constructive, destructive and overlapping. yes! there are people who dont leave your universe as such. but then, they all of a sudden stop forming a part of your universe also, that is, they are neither constructive nor destructive and obviously not overlapping. i guess this is the point where the energys disturb. as in, what will happen to those waves then? oh my god! it is  sucha pain in my head to think all this. i told you know. brain doesnt understand itself. 

but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. 

but at the end, we wish. we could wish whatever we feel like. and you know what, this is the best part!

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Monday, 19 May 2014

speak when you cant speak

i cannot  forget my 1st - 2nd years of college life. those were the two years wherein i have absolutely done nothing. OR to put up in my words, those were the two years wherein i have done almost everything. those two years, i explored myself as an individual. a lot of things which i only thought of doing or had done had i been with ample time, those things i actually did. a few ups and downs, a few disappointments, a few negative outcomes, yeah, these things did follow; but, still, a few cherishable memorys i have always built up.

when it comes to friends, a few of my most awesome school friends, i have cherished really sweet memories, along with them. whatever, one thing i did "too intense or agressively" i should say in last two years is.. writing. lols. i never realised it at that point of time. but today, when so many people approach me, and discuss with me about my blog; not only friends, even a few strangers following me on facebook or mailing me on gmail, about my blog, i realise i have really invested a lot of time in writing. but, last year, that means, 3rd year of my college life, my blog and my writing habit has really seen a dormancy. i have stopped writing. this made me feel that "writing" is just one other hobby that possessed upon me and then descended.

but, its about a few days ago only, while travelling and waiting near bus stop for 832, i noticed something. it was a picturesque view. it entrailed me, striking strong waves of energy all through within my body. and it started happening. it is all shown in bollywood movies that whenver something unusual happens in the life of the leading character of movie, a song or  a  background music is played; relating to the feelings, emotions and situation of that moment. lols. no. nothing like this happens in my life. but, yeah, a kind of manifestation of a similar phenomenon. somewhere within me, starts a soundless recitation of thoughts and things which i am feeling at that point of time. its almost similar to writing. i definitely dont have a pen and paper to pen all that. so, it just plays somewhere within me. i can write when i cannot write. this phenomenon used to happen with me very frequently all the time. i must say i have a brain which cant sit idle. it leads itself in occupying itsef one or the other way. but, now, when it does happen to me, may be seldom, but it does, i realise may be these thoughts are just so natural. i dont intend to germinate or perpetuate  them. they are small vibrating figments of energy needing space to stabilise.

oh yeah. that picturesque view i had to talk about. near bus stop. the bench i was seated on, leaving one seat, on my left, was a couple of a guy and a girl. ok, i take my words back. may be they werent a couple..as in.. i dont know.. it doesnt matter. both of them were communicating with each other through sign language. yeah. they couldnt speak. the intensity, the flow, the grace, they were communicating was marvellous. i was able to realise the strings of love between both of them. i am saying again, i donot know how they were related to each other. but, then, there is love in all other ways other than romantic love. it all was so graceful. for a moment i felt, the level of communication they share is all above the way we communicate. sometimes, we really say a few things we dont really mean to. and sometimes,  few things are interpreted by others the way it isnt supposed to be. i know it is not really good to stare at others shamelessly the way a dozens of people were doing. its not good. but, yeah, to feel the warmth of their overflowing love, i couldnt resist myself to sneak a peek of them. here annd there, after a few seconds or so, i would rotate my  head in all directions and simply pause in left for a few seconds and then do it in the other direction to not give an idea about me being seeping into them. but, then who cares. a dozen of people were staring them, but, those two were talking. talking and talking. i felt a few things they infact dint communicate through sign language, they just dint, and the other simply understood. that. that. one moment i realised the power of a human. the divinity of god. the divinity of love. the divinity of expression. i write. some say. i write awesome. huh. and over there was seated a perfect example of "marvel" on to my left. all i wanted to see and see and see them and harbour the love, affection, and energy all within these tiny little eyes. their art of expression is above all of the other arts of expression we know.

 girls! i know girls like speaking so much. i know a lot of them. and i am one of them. when i speak and am with those people i actually like speaking to, i speak so much. infact, to know, if i have actually cultured intense love for somebody, i can try this as a footnote. the more i speak, the much i am in love with that person. this is the reason why my talks are always endless with my old school friends. i love all of them. i have read a few of novels written by "cecelia ahern". a few characters  i have noticed she builds, are really, really very girlish. the way her poignant character speaks.. with all expressions and all.. i really feel like i am actually talking to a girl. so, leaving all that, when a girl speaks, you know its a girl speaking and end of it! the end. so. when that girl started up with sign language, her body language, her gestures, her modulations (i know, for modulations to exist, you need sound, and she wasnt speaking), all gave an impression that you  are talking to a girl. and she appeared to be beautiful. for beauty, not a thing which is naturally unusual, can lessen it. beauty is beauty. its energy. its positivity you feel when you are around that epicentre of radiant energy.

and so the guy was all listening her..all mum. what i wanna say is..any lack of some physical sense, or some thing unusual, has no potential to take away the beauty. beauty and all the above love; all is divine. abstract. beautiful abstract. expression. you could express whenever you intend to. you dont need words. you dont need a tongue perhaps.

lols :D
i know i sometimes think too much. lols :D

keep smiling. keep growing. stay happy.
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Saturday, 25 January 2014

"you realise the importance of something once it has gone away"

this is nothing new i am writing here. in stories, articles, poems, those school lectures; we all have heard, discussed and read about it. but, then, how many of us have actually realised it. well. you must be relating this quote to some materialistic thing, people, some abstract like success, fame, power, etc.

well. lets talk about love. what is love? is it the one you have for your better half..is it the one you have for your parents, siblings, friends.. ? whatever. lets talk about passion. is the love for your better half passionate enough? is your love for your family members passionate? well.. the latter sounds funny. isn't? passion in love for your dad, passion in love for your mom?!! huh? but then, i say for you to find passion in love, you need to stop loving. now coming back to where we started, "you realise the importance of something once it has gone away". for you to find if your love was passionate enough, was it actually passionate, the question can be answered only when it has gone. yes. my love was passionate. it was no less than a pure love. this i found only after i stopped loving. amazing no? the person you loved so much. now, she doesnt matter enough. its like. some craze, some passion, some fire..that was strongly and radiantly blazing, but, then it one or the other day has to go off. and so it went. being broken down by people one by one may not be a good experience but then it makes you become a saint i am telling you. mm. .. saint is not the correct word. the better word is "a human".. you do realise that.. the craziness about everybody...about everything.. i am telling you can go off with time. i mean, everything can lose its glitter. if everybody you detach yourself, a stage may come when you are no more attached to anybody. just imagine a stage where what exists is only a soul. an energy. stable. it must be an "out of body experience". i book i read a few years back. "is there life after death?" by Anthony Peake. he talks about the existence of an individual within ourselves: "the daemon". mm... for you to quickly comprehend, i can say it is something people say.. sixth sense, or may be guardian angel, or still more comprehensible, by saying, a soul. so, my point is how do you meet your guardian angel, if you have attached yourself to other elements of life. take it simple. for an atom of nitrogen, to combine with oxygen, it has to break its bond with that of another atom of nitrogen, only then it combines..what are we? are we not simply aggregates of atomic elements?

pain. it comes when those transparent strings are burnt in smokes of hatred, disappointment, jealousy or failure. it is an agonising, painful, active still dormant experience. but, what if those strings of postivity were never allowed to be established? what i am simply saying is for darkness to exist, light has to be there. for pain to exist, love has to be there. the very thought of trampling upon love to prevent pain sounds inhuman. it sounds depressing. it sounds abyss. but then, it is simply a thought. all thoughts need not be made into action. but, then, a thought arises from energy and energy is soul. it isnt human. thoughts are indeed desires of your soul. it is actually you.! you! you!

nice day ahead.
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