Wednesday, 29 May 2013

towards a positive change

change! something for better!

we do want, aspire, or rather desire.. "desire" is always a better word to use. somehow, this shows the intensity of desperation hidden behind. hm. so, we desire for a change to occur. we may desire to think in a certain way. but, it is just not possible. say, for example, a person is pessimistic. he knows it. everybody around him knows it. he even knows that majority of the things become rather worse in his life because of his pessimism. he desires to become optimistic. he may read a lot of novels..inspirational ones. monk who sold his Ferrari. ha ha ha! and may be join "yes+". but, no.. a few things come up from within. they can never be aroused or built up. i am not saying reading inspirational stuff won't happen or something. it may, but, still, a few things simply come up. you know what teaches the best. LIFE. yes dude! life. i reflect upon myself in past, i recall what i used to be, and now i introspect what i am. i have come to conclusion that things have really stopped giving me any unhappiness. nothing, absolutely nothing makes me get unhappy. yes, disappointments, getting upset, may be sometimes angry, they are emotions. and they are okay. it does happen with all of us and it should. but, i have seen a stage in my life that showed me important and beautiful the fact is that we are living. we are living. we are living HEALTHY. being healthy, free of all ailments, in a condition where your body-mind-spirit can do all works this machinery is supposed to do is such a bliss. from that stage onwards, i have started respecting life. and there are people around me who doesn't. in fact, nobody does. i sometimes feel them to  be most stupid, a-hole category of people.. but then i feel they are just usual. its me who is different. its me who realises beauty of being alive. beauty of being okay. seriously, i never knew that happening-and-curing of one single ailment could make my life so beautiful in coming future. i have become a saint i feel sometimes. lols .

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

you find when you stop searching!!!

while enjoying a morning tea, those Sunday magazines, those Wednesday's special columns only to be read on weekends..novels from my favourite authors...or may be while listening to those gazals..i sometimes think. while interacting with my batch mates, my school friends (only to be met on special occasions), a few of my family members, i sometimes think.

i think..what..what is exactly these all people chasing. they talk of so many things. regrets for things they did. for things they dint. a few things they are busy cracking. a few talents they are busy polishing. and though i decide to never do this again..but somehow i do again and again. i compare. i try putting myself in others shoes and it always makes me feel itchy. my place. my niche. is the most comfortable place to be in. all ..the ones i met..the ones i talk to..restless. they are in search of something concrete. something sparkling. is it success they are searching for? is it happiness? fame? money? some get crazy driving their passion. what is passion then? you said they were searching for money. i am  writing this blog. i know nobody reads it. but, still if anybody does, please do not forget to mention that if you will be given a chance to find, what exactly will you be finding? what is that one thing you are searching for? and why ..why are you searching it. i sometimes wave away these thoughts and try not to give energy to thoughts, rather action. but, solace is a sense of abyss in residing with thoughts. these thoughts are those short lived ever lasting figments that originate from a small unnoticeable seed but perpetuate, grow leaves, spreading branches all over, reaching to places, horizons, environments..unseen..dint thought off. how could these thoughts reach to places not thought off?

remember the last time you witnessed a dream. may be you imagined yourself becoming a guitarist, singing and dancing to rhythms of some music you heard the same day. that music came up in a dream because you listened to it the same day. but, why that dream pictured you as a guitarist? do you want to become one? NO. you agree that dreams do make you realise a few things you never thought off. this is exactly ..known energy to thoughts to an intensity that they reach to recesses that were never designed for their upcoming.

being human

kabie zindagi ki raftar itni tez ho jati hai ki chote chote lamho ka mol he nahi pta chalta...aur kabie kabi zindagi ki raftar itni dheere ho jati hai ki unhi chote chote lamho ka hume mol he nahi rehta

i would like to confess that there are some serious things in life at this stage that i shall be doing and i know i can. but being able to do something  never makes you do that. you do those things when you really want to do it. like, shouting at the top of voice, smiling for no reason, listening to some music that  you enjoy..and following your passions. i really dont know at what point i turned into this...and why the hell did i? i just know that a few things happened so fast and vigourously in my life. like a hurricane. it just happened. i some times look upon those things and i feel disappointed. i dont disappoint on the fact that those good things finished. they had to .. one or the other time. like i always say.. every thing is temporary. but. this is human tendency. he develops habit of a few things so fast. getting rid of those habits and choosing new alternatives is just so difficult. so, where i was, i am actually disappointed for the fact that once you get in the habit of living a life so sparkling and glittering, a plain thing simply stops amusing you. no! i mean it. in case you live a plain life, you are a lucky fellow. there are new things to be done and when they just stop happening, you are back on normal routine.

any ways, this sounds like jabber-blabber. point is.. finishing up of those good things have led me to a stage where i am plain. a simple plain. no sorrows, no tears, no fretting. but, an end to emotions is rather more fretting now. i sometimes look into past and try to convince myself by is ageing..may be..i no more have that teen energy..i can not have it now. but, then another part  of me knows i am lying. i dislike the fact that i have lost my ambitious, haughty, rational, logical ..sense. i am a self-contented person. i have no goals, likes, tastes or talents even. i had a few interests then. i have lost them now. i almost like everybody. nobody is a bad person to me. you know why..because i dont care. i am growing into a better individual according to those so called books and inspirational stuff i read long ago. but, you know, inside i am losing that humanity. a human is not only a soul. it is a soul in a body. body is dark. being  dark is also being human. an't it?