Friday, 19 July 2013

the ego and the desires

a human mind changes its priorities, its aspirations, desires and a few more things with the passage of time. a few things that were on your top aspired things a few years or months ago, hold no relevance for you now! success. it is completely an inexplicable term. or i should say it doesn't exist. what exists are desires, their fulfilment, extent to which they are fulfilled and subsequent arising of more desires. a few days ago, i was reading this book..a small 10-15 pages..i got it downloaded.."birth, life and death of ego".
really intriguing it was. a few things it talked about were like wow! i never appreciate a book by hard facts, choice of too uncommon words or some high-fi concepts it discusses. i mean, yeah. these things also matter me a lot, but, for a book on a genre like this, what impresses me the most is the depth. the depth, the abyss environment, an eerie silence and a satisfactory conversation the author develops in this small piece of writing is like wow. i am not very much into pros and cons of a language. i don't think much in this aspect. but, yeah, i do think sometimes of soul.. soul and desires. i think "ego" is same as what i think of "soul". or may be, they are analogous. i think sometimes .. in fact.. so many times.. what are desires? one thing is obvious. we all have some of them..whether, small, big or too big. something too much fancy or may be something very superficial.. i think i am not sounding too high to you. as in.. becoming a doctor, engineer, or getting highest marks in coming up exam, or may be receiving a huge round of applause when you are singing on tunes from your favourite singer. or may be a long trip to a small hill station ..are all very superficial things. you know you can get them. but, people like me live physically at one place and mentally some where else. i am a lost spirit.. travelling..in fibres of imagination at every split of a second. i sometimes ask from a counterpart of mine. this all is crap..isn't?! but then, it feels good. i have imagined about flying, fairies, snakes, a lost world, demons,  angels or so many things at one stage or the other of my life. i dream and wake up only to realise that it was a dream. i infact think too much about what happens to a spirit when it is dreaming..bullshit..isn't?! but, i cant help..those books of neurology and endless shows..i ..a jobless creature keeps sticking onto..has made me like this. anyways, have you ever undergone a stage where all of your dreams, desires, aspirations got fulfilled. a few, very few of you might have. i had. can you discuss with me how it feels to be self-accomplished. to be satisfied. to be contented. how it must a feeling be? good. mm . it is at one stage. but, not for a longer duration. the author in the book aforesaid, says, "ego is desire and death of desire is death of ego." this sentence in the book hit me. it hit me hard. i think for a reader to actually like a book, it is not essential for the author to hold you for all through the journey..sometimes, an incident explained, a small theory proposed, or even a small thought in countable 10-12 words are more than enough for an author to capture a reader. i mean, the whole time while reading, half of the things, and most importantly when the author keep creeping about "language"...really made me feel nauseatic..but..a few things..and then the true meaning of ego..actually, its birth, life and death..is indeed well explained. those things just..they just..i mean, you think about those things long after you have read them. "ego is desire and death of desire is death of ego". this is so damned true! a stage, where your all desires are fulfilled, you get a feeling where you don't know, why do you exist?! your existence, the existence of your soul.. you actually try finding the reason and what you get.. is null.
so, what?! keep desiring.. shall we never get out of the vicious circle of desires. but, why do we want to come out of it. to kill the ego?! wont the death of ego will be your death?! what is ego?! does soul exist?! or you exist, because soul does! 

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