Monday, 2 December 2013

hello friends! i know i am writing for you guys..after such a long time. a few minutes ago, i was reading a blog by somebody. the tag line beneath the title of that blog says: "A Clairvoyant Look at Everyday Life". naturally, the first thing i did was, i googled the meaning of "clairvoyant". it says: "a person who claims to have a supernatural ability to perceive events in the future or beyond normal sensory contact"

i have to say! a few things are definitely common among bloggers, especially when they are writing on same genre. i mean, since years, i felt like giving my blog a tag line that could define my objective behind writing. or may be something that explains my style of writing or thinking more closely for my fellow readers. but, i failed to find correct words. yeah, even writers can be short with words. i am atleast. i am always short with words. emotions, feelings, ideas .. are always too much to be expressed in too less number of words.

i sometimes dream of a place or a universe, where i am all bounded with deep lush green trees and fragrant flowers. i have a typewriter to write and a millions or trillions of books to read upon. a world where words will never be too less. when i blog, i am always occupied by the idea, that, somewhere somebody for no reason must be reading this. and, that is why, i have to stop. when i write on days, days are always providing too much hustle bustle to do the same. and, when i write during nights, the peace-calmness-intensity and the passion i write with gives me goose bumps about if i will ever stop. hence, i dream. a few things could be said 'literal', even by writers. i mean, you guys suppose writers-poets-philosophers.. as a bunch of mad men talking.. all in metaphors-puns.. ..and so on. indeed, they do. but. i mean, literally, i dream of being lost in a land of green.. tall and dense tress with wide canopy.. wide so wide..that no sunshine enters in. but, slightly lesser than too wide to let the cool breeze and milky light from that moon enter in during night.. and a few orchids and jasmines to blend their sweet fragrant into it. and me, sitting amidst all these; reading all that i dint know and writing all that i have always thought off. 

a few people complain of me not writing since so many months. a few things you stop doing because you just dont want to go into it. but, a few things you stop doing because you know there is no escape out of it once you go into. though, you might have so desperately wanted to go in.

"if there could be a universe i may relive in
 it would be an imagnable one 
ironically, it is the only one that doesnt exist"

thankyou guys. and your feedbacks are always welcomed.

Monday, 29 July 2013

knowing real you!

knowing real you!

tag: philosophy, psychology

i really dont know how many of the people are like this or how many of the people reading my blog are like this. the only thing i know is that there are definitely a few (if not many) of people like this and i belong exactly to this category.  like what? okay. i am  talking about those people who are so much into knowing others. as in, my endless thought procedure, my childhood habit of reading those things and my addictive passion of writing has put me into  comfortable niche wherein all the people i meet, i am always into knowing them. my instinctive and curious mind is just so restless and impatient into knowing them. this goes for almost everybody i encounter regardless of their age, sex, profession, region, etc. i just want to know them. to make the things more easy for my fellow readers to comprehend, let me make it like this. i go for a meet-up with my best of best friends and one of them happen to bring some friend of his/her along with him/her. now a new person to meet, to share views, to look upon; here my mind is like.. it goes into something. the best thing about people like this is the fact that such people are an inexplicable expert in the art of knowing people. just a look, a few gestures, a few more words the stranger uttered or may be the moving around of their eyes and yeah, you know a lot about them. but, then a few characteristics (let us call them type 1) about people you can always judge at first go. i repeat, you CAN always judge at first go. judging or not judging remains a personal choice. i think that is exactly what happens in dividing people in two groups: group 1 are the ones who do and group 2 are the ones who do not. the latter could, they simply opt not to. or to put up in more realistic words, they don't care. or to put up in my words, their senses haven't been aroused to the extent that they start caring. okay, a few characteristics (type 1) of the people you can always judge at first go. but, there are a few more characteristics (type 2) you cannot; or for that matters, nobody could. for example, if a person is a way too much knowledgeable, say, about geography of India, how would you know about it until and unless this discussion comes up. but, this is too technical. let us say, a person is a way too much fussy about his/her personal belongings. you can never know about this feature of him if you haven't lived with him or shared a same roof for at-least more than half of a day. but, then how many of us share shed with the fellowmates we live with?!

whatever, this all started from people of group 1 knowing characteristics of type 1. and so, these people (who like to judge and conclude), can actually boast about this talent of them. but, the glitch being, they, with the passage of time, get a strong feeling that what they know is all correct. it indeed is. but, a few, a very few of times, those characteristics of type 2 that were supposed to be belonging to type 1 are judged by people of group 1. but, because these characteristics are actually of type 1 and not type 2, these are misjudged (not always, but, if we go by pure mathematics, it is 50% of the times). so, this, exactly 'this', is the moment that makes the 'boon of knowing' possessed by group 1 people as a 'bane of knowing'. a pure bane.

 i sometimes pity such people. these people cant help. the others they meet sometimes occupy so much of space into their minds and it is disappointing to realise that the formers are actually very tiny or uncounted pieces of existence. for instance, the friend of your best friend who just happen to be there in the meet-up coincidentally. this person is somebody to not be thought off. he doesn't and indeed shouldn't matter. by the way, do you believe in coincidents?

by now you must be thinking, how this thing carrys us to the caption "knowing real you". for all of those who are either belonging to type 1 or may be belonging to type 2 but are able to associate to a friend/ family member/ an acquaintance or may be a past alter-ego of themself, go on reading. hm.  so, if a person is so much into knowing, he must be so so so very much into knowing himself. a simple word for long boring story aforesaid. introspection. how many of you actually introspect. is it a kind of introspection that comes naturally from within or is it some kind of induced introspection. for example, say, you notice yourself scoring less and lesser of marks in the exams day by day. do you think by yourself why is it so. in case, yes, it must be a kind of introspection that comes up naturally from within. in case, your parents/ friends/ classmates make you realise about your deteriorating student profile and makes you accountable for the same, making you to ponder deep into this matter, it must be an induced introspection. anyways, how frequently you introspect? does the conclusion you withdraw from your long deep and extensive thinking the same or it varies. etc. the point, i am actually deviating from. i meant to say that if you are a group 1 person trying to know about you and yourself, and if anyhow, you happen to think about your type 2 characteristics, you may be misjudged. what i want to say is: i feel that such long lost thinkers generally don't even know about themselves or they are confused. or they misjudge. a few of introspection is good. very good indeed. but, thinking too much about yourself just because you know you could may be futile as a few things you actually could not. by the way, i don't believe in coincidents. just telling. tda.  (-_^)
keep reading. keep smiling. stay growing.

Friday, 19 July 2013

the ego and the desires

a human mind changes its priorities, its aspirations, desires and a few more things with the passage of time. a few things that were on your top aspired things a few years or months ago, hold no relevance for you now! success. it is completely an inexplicable term. or i should say it doesn't exist. what exists are desires, their fulfilment, extent to which they are fulfilled and subsequent arising of more desires. a few days ago, i was reading this book..a small 10-15 pages..i got it downloaded.."birth, life and death of ego".
really intriguing it was. a few things it talked about were like wow! i never appreciate a book by hard facts, choice of too uncommon words or some high-fi concepts it discusses. i mean, yeah. these things also matter me a lot, but, for a book on a genre like this, what impresses me the most is the depth. the depth, the abyss environment, an eerie silence and a satisfactory conversation the author develops in this small piece of writing is like wow. i am not very much into pros and cons of a language. i don't think much in this aspect. but, yeah, i do think sometimes of soul.. soul and desires. i think "ego" is same as what i think of "soul". or may be, they are analogous. i think sometimes .. in fact.. so many times.. what are desires? one thing is obvious. we all have some of them..whether, small, big or too big. something too much fancy or may be something very superficial.. i think i am not sounding too high to you. as in.. becoming a doctor, engineer, or getting highest marks in coming up exam, or may be receiving a huge round of applause when you are singing on tunes from your favourite singer. or may be a long trip to a small hill station ..are all very superficial things. you know you can get them. but, people like me live physically at one place and mentally some where else. i am a lost spirit.. fibres of imagination at every split of a second. i sometimes ask from a counterpart of mine. this all is crap..isn't?! but then, it feels good. i have imagined about flying, fairies, snakes, a lost world, demons,  angels or so many things at one stage or the other of my life. i dream and wake up only to realise that it was a dream. i infact think too much about what happens to a spirit when it is dreaming..bullshit..isn't?! but, i cant help..those books of neurology and endless shows..i ..a jobless creature keeps sticking onto..has made me like this. anyways, have you ever undergone a stage where all of your dreams, desires, aspirations got fulfilled. a few, very few of you might have. i had. can you discuss with me how it feels to be self-accomplished. to be satisfied. to be contented. how it must a feeling be? good. mm . it is at one stage. but, not for a longer duration. the author in the book aforesaid, says, "ego is desire and death of desire is death of ego." this sentence in the book hit me. it hit me hard. i think for a reader to actually like a book, it is not essential for the author to hold you for all through the journey..sometimes, an incident explained, a small theory proposed, or even a small thought in countable 10-12 words are more than enough for an author to capture a reader. i mean, the whole time while reading, half of the things, and most importantly when the author keep creeping about "language"...really made me feel nauseatic..but..a few things..and then the true meaning of ego..actually, its birth, life and indeed well explained. those things just..they just..i mean, you think about those things long after you have read them. "ego is desire and death of desire is death of ego". this is so damned true! a stage, where your all desires are fulfilled, you get a feeling where you don't know, why do you exist?! your existence, the existence of your soul.. you actually try finding the reason and what you get.. is null.
so, what?! keep desiring.. shall we never get out of the vicious circle of desires. but, why do we want to come out of it. to kill the ego?! wont the death of ego will be your death?! what is ego?! does soul exist?! or you exist, because soul does! 

Saturday, 29 June 2013

friends! because i can never have a better one than you!

in life, the procedure of learning new things never actually stops. you can learn, know new can have entirely an "out of body experience" from just a few moments in your life. i am not saying i am from those people who are too busy in life or may be bound up i should say. but, yeah, a few things keep coming my mind these days. about future. goals. how to take up a few things. but, the intensity of me being a jobless creature still persists! its today only when i started up my morning thinking i will keep myself busy in a few books the way i usually do. i don't know..may be .. those things i was reading were boring..or may be a few more things are coming up in my mind.. but, i was kinda feeling restless. i decided to ring up my bestest friend of my school life. i remember this girl and would never ever forget her. this is one girl who has seen tears in my eyes behind a smiling face. it 11th end i guess...mmm... i think i am sure about it. the maturity, care, love and tender with which she attended my problem, i really felt the intensity of intelligence she beholds. i had been  kinda nerd all through my school life. intelligence has ever meant those bookish things and everything. but, that was one moment in my life when i realised that she or for that matters, all those people, who, are good friends, know how to attend simple life problems with an ease behold an equivalent, if not better, intelligence level than those few "so-called intellectuals". a few things she told, she advised, she explained me, really made me feel like i am a dumbass ..a butthead to be rattling my mind over such a small thing since so long. a friend, with whom, huge problems like big chunks of rock falling..accelerating you with a huge intensity to killl you, filled with rage, anger, some vengeance..those things..those problems kinda become with me sharing those things with her. that was one day i made a promise to my GOD that if ever you could take a few moments of happiness from my life and shower them onto her's, i will be obliged to be blessed by you.

i sometimes feel, there must be a degree that recognises those people who aren't as such involved in some social service and all, i mean, come on! not all of us have time, vigour, finance and intentions for all this, but, when our humanity makes us feel a few of things, attend them, and we flow in humanly emotions to spread happiness, love and friendship, i mean...only a few of people do she did. and trust me, at that time, a few of distances had grown up between me and her, we were in different batches...a few new friends i made, a few she made. whatever, people like her. there must be something that recognises, attends, characterises these people. i have seen very few of them. she is one among them.

btw, i ring her. she is still the same. it had been 3 years since we had passed our school, 1.5 years since we had met in person and 4 months since i had talked to her. but the point being, she hasn't changed. just the same. we talk so much. about everything imagined and unimagined. all things. G-talk you know! a few things i got to know are not very well in her life these days. the only thing i said in response to her was: " hmm..oh.. i see...okay okay..yeah..i am getting you.. mm . ." i am not very good in a few things i am telling you. i may be cant say anything to console her. most of the things she was telling me about were in fact beyond my level of understanding. i feel that today, that time has come or in fact, i say this to GOD every day..dear god! if ever i had done something good, something that deserves an award..or may be anything kept in reserve for me, please let all those things be gifted to her from my side. i am thinking today about all those things, may be, i will forget them tomorrow, and get engrossed up in my books, my music, my badminton...but, she has to go-on with all this. keep your blessings on all of us. i am not really good with worshiping and everything. a few things i really don't know. the thing i know is you exist and i talk to you everyday every moment. you have guided me, lived with me and kept your hand upon me. keep showering those blessings to a few of souls living near me.

talking up to her makes me only more nostalgic.. lols :D :D
we share warm goodbyes and disconnect.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

memories! i have always feel connected to them. life goes on, but, things seen in past ..whether good or bad..i have always wanted to record them. i think that what made me a writer. although i blog, but, my blog is no less than a personal diary. writing has always given me a power, a privilege, or a gadget to record, click or capture things i had seen. but, its funny to realise ...the moment you had wanted to record those things so much, you are left speechless. the day..a few days ago..or may be a few day..and so much to write about. i started writing.. and i was speechless. no words. no thoughts. i was a total blank. i couldn't say anything about that day. whatever happens... good..bad ..embarrassing..jolly..or whatever.. a big chatter box i am to my close ones...and i am a crap to puke all that out...but..that thing just happened.
i cant ever manage to bring out words to write about it.  (-_-)
" its amazing to realise that most special things in your life  are the most inexplicable things. " 

Monday, 3 June 2013

change. there shall never be any right time for change to occur. it shall happen when you want it to happen. sometimes, we are so much bound up within this pace of life that we sometimes shirk away from changes to take place, from changes to realise and from changes to accept. and that's okay. but, when life gives you a chance to change, when god shows you the mirror to reflect upon them, please don't feel that the time has finished or is yet to come. give your actions as much energy as you give to your thoughts. you get a Nobel prize for writing a book and not imagining it. small figments of thoughts within your brain are as dormant as that small seed within mother earth. so next time, those electric signals rush from one neuron to another within you, take time to accept those thoughts. give them action.
" there may be a right time and may be a wrong time for a wrong deed 
   but it is always a right time for a good deed "
happy journey people! any by journey, i mean, journey of life!

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

towards a positive change

change! something for better!

we do want, aspire, or rather desire.. "desire" is always a better word to use. somehow, this shows the intensity of desperation hidden behind. hm. so, we desire for a change to occur. we may desire to think in a certain way. but, it is just not possible. say, for example, a person is pessimistic. he knows it. everybody around him knows it. he even knows that majority of the things become rather worse in his life because of his pessimism. he desires to become optimistic. he may read a lot of novels..inspirational ones. monk who sold his Ferrari. ha ha ha! and may be join "yes+". but, no.. a few things come up from within. they can never be aroused or built up. i am not saying reading inspirational stuff won't happen or something. it may, but, still, a few things simply come up. you know what teaches the best. LIFE. yes dude! life. i reflect upon myself in past, i recall what i used to be, and now i introspect what i am. i have come to conclusion that things have really stopped giving me any unhappiness. nothing, absolutely nothing makes me get unhappy. yes, disappointments, getting upset, may be sometimes angry, they are emotions. and they are okay. it does happen with all of us and it should. but, i have seen a stage in my life that showed me important and beautiful the fact is that we are living. we are living. we are living HEALTHY. being healthy, free of all ailments, in a condition where your body-mind-spirit can do all works this machinery is supposed to do is such a bliss. from that stage onwards, i have started respecting life. and there are people around me who doesn't. in fact, nobody does. i sometimes feel them to  be most stupid, a-hole category of people.. but then i feel they are just usual. its me who is different. its me who realises beauty of being alive. beauty of being okay. seriously, i never knew that happening-and-curing of one single ailment could make my life so beautiful in coming future. i have become a saint i feel sometimes. lols .

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

you find when you stop searching!!!

while enjoying a morning tea, those Sunday magazines, those Wednesday's special columns only to be read on weekends..novels from my favourite authors...or may be while listening to those gazals..i sometimes think. while interacting with my batch mates, my school friends (only to be met on special occasions), a few of my family members, i sometimes think.

i think..what..what is exactly these all people chasing. they talk of so many things. regrets for things they did. for things they dint. a few things they are busy cracking. a few talents they are busy polishing. and though i decide to never do this again..but somehow i do again and again. i compare. i try putting myself in others shoes and it always makes me feel itchy. my place. my niche. is the most comfortable place to be in. all ..the ones i met..the ones i talk to..restless. they are in search of something concrete. something sparkling. is it success they are searching for? is it happiness? fame? money? some get crazy driving their passion. what is passion then? you said they were searching for money. i am  writing this blog. i know nobody reads it. but, still if anybody does, please do not forget to mention that if you will be given a chance to find, what exactly will you be finding? what is that one thing you are searching for? and why ..why are you searching it. i sometimes wave away these thoughts and try not to give energy to thoughts, rather action. but, solace is a sense of abyss in residing with thoughts. these thoughts are those short lived ever lasting figments that originate from a small unnoticeable seed but perpetuate, grow leaves, spreading branches all over, reaching to places, horizons, environments..unseen..dint thought off. how could these thoughts reach to places not thought off?

remember the last time you witnessed a dream. may be you imagined yourself becoming a guitarist, singing and dancing to rhythms of some music you heard the same day. that music came up in a dream because you listened to it the same day. but, why that dream pictured you as a guitarist? do you want to become one? NO. you agree that dreams do make you realise a few things you never thought off. this is exactly ..known energy to thoughts to an intensity that they reach to recesses that were never designed for their upcoming.

being human

kabie zindagi ki raftar itni tez ho jati hai ki chote chote lamho ka mol he nahi pta chalta...aur kabie kabi zindagi ki raftar itni dheere ho jati hai ki unhi chote chote lamho ka hume mol he nahi rehta

i would like to confess that there are some serious things in life at this stage that i shall be doing and i know i can. but being able to do something  never makes you do that. you do those things when you really want to do it. like, shouting at the top of voice, smiling for no reason, listening to some music that  you enjoy..and following your passions. i really dont know at what point i turned into this...and why the hell did i? i just know that a few things happened so fast and vigourously in my life. like a hurricane. it just happened. i some times look upon those things and i feel disappointed. i dont disappoint on the fact that those good things finished. they had to .. one or the other time. like i always say.. every thing is temporary. but. this is human tendency. he develops habit of a few things so fast. getting rid of those habits and choosing new alternatives is just so difficult. so, where i was, i am actually disappointed for the fact that once you get in the habit of living a life so sparkling and glittering, a plain thing simply stops amusing you. no! i mean it. in case you live a plain life, you are a lucky fellow. there are new things to be done and when they just stop happening, you are back on normal routine.

any ways, this sounds like jabber-blabber. point is.. finishing up of those good things have led me to a stage where i am plain. a simple plain. no sorrows, no tears, no fretting. but, an end to emotions is rather more fretting now. i sometimes look into past and try to convince myself by is ageing..may be..i no more have that teen energy..i can not have it now. but, then another part  of me knows i am lying. i dislike the fact that i have lost my ambitious, haughty, rational, logical ..sense. i am a self-contented person. i have no goals, likes, tastes or talents even. i had a few interests then. i have lost them now. i almost like everybody. nobody is a bad person to me. you know why..because i dont care. i am growing into a better individual according to those so called books and inspirational stuff i read long ago. but, you know, inside i am losing that humanity. a human is not only a soul. it is a soul in a body. body is dark. being  dark is also being human. an't it?

Sunday, 21 April 2013

to be old

ageing! how unique and complex this concept must be! the moment we took birth, we don't even remember...the ones who remember are our parents, our neighbours, our relatives, their friends, friends of many uncles and aunts..whose first names we don't even know. they are only a bunch of people whom we greet every time they meet us and they remarking how grown up we have had, irrespective what age, sex, credentials..etc you are in! but, this is growing up..but, i am talking of growing old..

we all see people growing old. that aunt whose house you used to visit in your childhood days, that friend's father who used to give you chocolates from his pocket, that same confectionery shop owner you had been visiting since childhood..all have grown old with passage of time.

i think unique a feeling it must be to grow old! greys you strat developing all of a sudden ...foods you cant relish anywhere..steps you cant take is just a stage you all knew will happen, still it casts its hands on you in a hovering and embarking manner. to be more precise, it just haunts you and you  realise you are helpless.

i guess this must be an every day routine, though i get to see this only on weekends or days of some special holidays. that man who lives a few doors after my house. he  is old. very old. very very old. being old is not a problem, it is simply a change; but being very old, very very old must be a challenge! a man for whom the only trip made is a walk from his home to a park nearby (that is just in front of me). the only chair he can afford to sit that ..which surrounds him nearest. the only company he has is his wife who is not with him always. for him, the journey from his home to that chair in itself is a task. small, small, baby steps..are a challenge for him. for every step, if he lifts a leg, the other one starts to cripple. a man comes to comfort him, holds him from his shoulder and helping him move. how that old man must be feeling? for steps, few steps, he has to get support from people. and  you know what? he shirks from getting support. age. old age. you know you are living you few last moments. you know this happens to everybody. but, still, you are human! you shirk from getting support of people nearby. after a few steps, he pauses. he knows he cant make it further, but he has to. a bicycle approaches straight from front. he simply stands upright. what can he do? he cant run, change his direction, lift his hand to give the cyclist a gesture to stop, he cant shout to instruct him to stop. he is helpless. how helpless it is to be helpless. a life where you know you are living. but, are you living actually? we fret, complain, get furious, rage, get disappointed, show despair over small ..extremely small and petty things in life. even i do. i do it more often that anybody else. i am not  a saint. but, in old age. life. this is life. you just need to respire, eat and excrete. that's all! this is life. i try figuring out what must be going on his such an old age. we all tend to depend on people nearby for small things knowingly or unknowingly. on our friends for assignments, on father for money, on mother for those hugs. but, at an old age, you don't have any of these. those people, those friends, those relatives..i was talking about earlier..are all gone. you left behind. the worst thing about being old must be being lonely. being lonely is the worst thing that could happen to anybody. worst of worst!
whom to support on? whom to talk to? whom to nag on? whom to cry upon? being lonely.

a few things that give us happiness ..lets count them, food, movies, friends, success, cars, fashion, sex, shopping, money..and so on.. this things simply no more count in his life. what may be his definition of happiness.  => to take a few steps from his home to that chair. while walking, the floor beneath you is sometimes uneven. a bit elevation i am talking about. no! not in..slight elevations..or may be a few potholes..never noticed them. right?
 these things pose him problem. he just cannot walk if he knows that there is an elevation for the next step he has to take. while watching all this, i sometimes feel that i should rush fast to give him a helping hand.. but, i fear he may lose his only way of happiness if i come in between.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013


Its about a day or two before..when I was reading this book before “the absolute khushwant”. A well-written book indeed .. like any other piece written by khushwant singh.

I bought  this book already on discount and it came out to be rs. 170.  it’s a book of 200 pages ONLY. While purchasing a product, people try to calculate if its price is worth by various factors. For eg, if you buy a t-shirt, you would go for points like how is the material, what is the colour, how it fits you, what is the brand name, does it go with your style statement and so on. Same way, while purchasing a book, you see who is the author, whats the genre, do the genre fits with your current mood (as in sometimes we are in mood to read mystery, sci-fi, philosophy, religion..and sometimes when you just realise your brain being impervious but still bitten by that book worm you live with daily, even my child-hood enid blyton or nancy drew could provide me lots and lots of solace.) hm, so, I was saying..while purchasing book, we see a lot many factors. But, I, a typical baniyan . .does this. Ok . this book has 200 pages. It costs rs170. 200/170= something something. Ok. Costly. But, I am buying it.
When I came home, and I leafed through the pages (but wasn’t reading as such), I realised  3-4  sheets, that means, 6-8 sides had photographs printed on them. I dint care to look what those photographs were, I just knew that they were. And I was like! Fuck man! Already a thin book of 200 pages..and they have wasted 4-5 pages on photographs. I mean,  they could have zoomed in..and still fitted some text on margins or something. As****e. 

"A few things that irritated you, boiled you with rage, things that frustrated from deep within could provide with such solace, satisfaction and could put you in rapture and awe, at a later stage of life.  When those things we observe not at a superficial, rather a deeper level."  I started reading that book just after my mid sems finished. An excellent reading experience, it kept me glued to it..and so came a stage when I come to that very chapter where those photographs were imprinted. Oh my! Different photographs, shouting with different stages of author, different people he has had met, all In black and white to give an impression how antique they were. I was browsing through those pages one by one. Author’s wife, kaval,  their small boy-child. i still remember his name. it was rahul. Then came a picture of sweet little’s daughter I guess. I don’t know why I have a special feeling for little girls. Though I don’t like little kids much, they are a bunch of notorious, irritating and..i am not getting the correct word, to speak in my mother-tongue..bachhey chittey hotey hai.  But, I do like small sweet little girls. Little girls are generally calm and quiet. And after seeing that picture, I kindda felt like I have travelled through a time machine into times seen by khushwant. In his book, he has talked some what of his married life. He says about some differences between him and his life. This makes me think if he dint have a happy married life. Has he not seen a happy married life. (I am sorry if I am repeating same line again). This kindda gave me answer ‘yes’. But, leafing through those pages, I realised that no..he is an old man now. He has seen so much of life.  It is foolish on my part if I expect him to write about only good times of his life.
So, that moment, for the first time, made me realise that a photograph has some better power of capturing moments than a “writing”. As in, since my school-time, whenever I had a feeling of capturing moments, good-bad-very good-very bad, I have always made it a point to capture it by writing. It seems foolish, but, I have written about every stage of my life. the time i entered into my new school, the times when our sections changed and so did my friends, my 1st sem, my first crush, everything. i have done this in one or the other form. some writings i wrote on a notepad with a pen, some are lying in "my documents". some were written on back sides of my course registers. some were written on notepads, mailed to me from my one account to another and then those files deleted to ensure that i hold them with me, still accessible to nobody else. And the worst part is, the much you write the more develops an urge to write and that urge is uncontrollable. It is violent I should say. Sometimes, while typing i reach to a speed where I scare not to hamper my key board. my otherwise soft fingers start striking those keys with such a momentum. i thus, try to not to write. So. I was saying that an age-old practise of writing-and-reading always put me partial towards it. But, a moment, a minute told me that photographs have a power to give you an out-of-body-experience. I think words are just a meagre tool to express about the stage I saw in those few pages.  (^_^)

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

scientific theory could sometimes make you philosophical! ouch!

(republished article)
“Life is a beautiful gift of god”. But, only those people could agree to this statement who have exactly that perception of beauty which matches with mine or at least finds a few of many things common with me. Whatever, being beautiful, adorable and magnificent, as life is, does not mean that this is only bright and radiant. It could sometimes be dark and depressing. By latter, I simply refer to day to day affairs that makes us upset or curse a few elements of life. This may include financial, professional, social or may be personal affairs. And when I say brightness, radiance, joy..this should be a grand success, an expected or unexpected promotion in office, birth of a young one, raise in income, a new iphone or may be festive days (days of celebration), and so on. Right!
No! big no! this is exactly where we go wrong or fail to realise life.

Take up this. COPENHAGEN INTERPRETATION. “according to this theory, all matter..even the tiniest of electron and other atomic particles come  into existence only when they are viewed or observed. This theory says that everything..and anything..chair you are seating you are holding on..walls surrounding you..everything will collapse once you, “YOU”, as an individual stop observing it. ”
that means,  our existence should also be absurd without our observing us our self. In other words, the moment we stop observing ourselves, we die. And this is INDEED TRUE! We live, grow, develop and perpetuate only because we observe ourselves. But, what does observing actually means?
Standing in front of mirror for long? No. looking and adoring our basic articles that makes our life a truth. Obviously no. then what? What do I mean by observing himself or herself. Believing, believing that you exist and your worlds of existence simply overlap with other’s world of existence.  You are not a part of this world. No. you are not.! You have your own world. So, in order to keep your world established, you will have to keep observing you. Cherish your strengths, appreciate your uniqueness, enjoy your mutuality with others and try vanish (or may be ignore your weaknesses). A human without knowledge of his/her personality should be the most ignorant person in  this system.  Now Coming back to where we started;  I ended my first para saying “we fail to realise life” .  by realisation, I am simply using a more comprehensible word for “observing”.

So, start! Start observing life. You will become acknowledged to those things from which you were completely ignorant. For example, you never cherished the fact that you have have a family. You never celebrate the fact that you have a sound health. How  many times have you thanked god for being a social animal and not left to perish in gulf of hell like existence. You don’t celebrate these things because these things were with you inbuilt or from birth. That is, you haven't owned them. And, so, YOU TAKE THESE THINGS FOR GRANTED. Stop being ignorant and oblivious. Give time to your family, your friends, your well-wishers; if not, give time to yourself. Talk to yourself, realise yourself and try enjoying the solitude. Do those things that you really love doing..those things that actually teach you joy, ecstasy and happiness. At speed, even matter loses its real form or existence. And we are after all, humans. Humans: bright energy bound in dark matter. So, don’t you think speed could harm or distort us to directions and forms unknown and never thought. When you know a few of your assets and belongings, which you haven't owned…but start working hard to continue being with them. In that way, your perspective of brightness, radiance and happiness becomes somewhat like this: “ you find happiness in morning walks, you find beauty in dew drop on flowers, you feel the freshness  of morning and solace of the darkness of nights. For a true perception of beauty, only butterflies are not beautiful. Even a buzzing bee sings music. Talking with people, they appreciating your childness ; and you living colours of this world. All is happiness. “Happiness is like sunshine poured every morning by almighty in abundance, the only thing is that you cannot collect it in a bucket. Simply a sunbath could prevent you from cold and prepare you from coming chills of night.”
Thank you.  

Saturday, 2 February 2013

storys unheard

Books, magazines, movies, TV shows..they all talk and share with us those stories. We read, listen and grow with them daily.  Your family members share with you their past experiences…your friends meet you with those experiences…the girl with a red rose is telling you this..that guy wearing sweet fragrance (for a change today) is impatient to talk about it.. 
and yes..we all listen, read, see..observe..witness…so many love stories around all of us. Cinderella, snow white, and that princess who kissed a frog..all are stories of LOVE. Everybody getting a partner..their better half.
But, in this haphazard..what is left unattended..are stories of “broken heart”. Each and every minute, In every country, city or small village, whatever, howsoever, to little or great extent, so many hearts are getting broken. You may love somebody..but that “somebody” may not love you the way you do. i feel sometimes how unfair and cruel this law is! But, in this world, with the level of humanity, or rather inhumane humans we survive with, I feel “witnessing unfair things is just so fair”..whatever, I was saying that the most difficult and impatient feeling must be: “ not being loved by your love”. But, then, whats the solution to this? You cant actually make somebody love you forcibly..
“love is a fragrance that goes with the flow of some unseen, unheard and entropic though inaccessible wind. This fragrance cannot be mould, modified or carried by some prejudice. It is just flowing its own way.” 

So. I feel like it is just immaturity within people that sometimes make themselves so much possessed that they end up being with somebody so much that it arouses love within another. While, the former may not have even the slightest interest in the latter. If you are a girl, immature and child-like, you may not realise a few things that lay an effect of great intensity on others..on a guy, who loves you like a man. And in a few cases, you are too childish too realise it. While, in a few, you are too cunning to realise it, still ignore or sometimes feel attentive and wannabe in that. But, your level of intelligence may be beneath the other. You don’t become smart this way. Rather, at some point of time, you will realise that …that was too kiddish actually. 

You are a girl..
but who loves you may be a man.
You are a boy…
But who loves you may be a woman.

So, grow up peeps! Taking support from somebody : financial, social, no smartness..this is selfishness and childishness. Try growing up! Try!

“you become a happy person when you
Learn to find happiness in loneliness
You find you true love..your better-half
When you caress your own soul”

I am in no way promoting my readers to learn to be alone. No! socialise, make Friends, laugh with them, share, live! But, learn that your own soul yourself is the first one to be dependent upon. And any other supportive branch will just make you handicapped when it gets broken out.
Thank you. Keep reading. Keep smiling. JJJ
2-02-13 : 11.20 pm

Monday, 28 January 2013

my way!

its about yesterday only..when a thought just clicked my mind. i realised it that a decision i had taken long ago..was actually wrong..or must have been different had i not been carried away by emotions and taken up things more seriously and intellectually. this thing has actually clicked me many times. i used to think sometimes.. was i actually wrong to have taken this decision up? was i? if that decision was actually guided by my heart and not brains? was i too much me naive and immature to got carried away by what others said?  but, i always kept myself strong and simply tried concentrating on other things when such thought striked my mind. yesterday, i kind of thought to put a halt on this game of lieing to myself or keeping my eyes shut. i actually tried to think rationally and so i did.  i thought ....does other say it correct? did my decision actually had no logic? was it actually stupid.. and somewhere my inner self knew the logic behind that was my heart. a pure heartful..child-like. likable and simply too joyful. so, was i just a stupid person with no wits and mind? at this, my inner self replys "yes. i was"
but, one thing this incident has taught me so much. i..i..kind of started feeling human. my mechanical, logical and too much monotonous and rational life has finally got atleast a badge of stupidity! as in, obviously, this is nothing to brag about. obviously no. but, then. all through my life, i have done things right. as in, i don't remember the last time i lied to my parents or family members about something. as in, i cannot, at this stage, remember something that actually made me feel so giddy, gullible, naive...or rather CHILD-LIKE about myself. i mean, i really don't know how many of you follow my blog. nobody i suppose. but, in one of the poem written by me, narrator says:
"i lost it the very day i found it"
herein, the narrator was talking about his childhood. i feel, to some extent, my mind in social network, as in, picking a few things, knowing or rather judging a person's characters, his ideology and a few more things about him..just by a few more, these few things are something; i have always been expert in. and people say. this is actually what people develops with experience or rather age.
but, i kind of loved if i had been child-like. and the feeling that i am still stupid, idiotic and actually a person of hearts and not brain give me solace.

actually, this all started from here. i, a few days before, was reading an autobiography by M.K. Gandhi. obviously, i opened up that book with prejudice and pre-conceived notions of all high-fi kind of things gandhiji will be teaching its fellow readers. as in, be firm..don't lie..don't eat non-veg..respect for bad lust for opposite sex..and blah blah blahh..
but no. a very true and true and true..a man he write all about his life..all he did in..a few wrong..really wrong things. and i realised. that oh my! i myself have done none of them. no, please! i am no where trying to say that i am ms. perfect..because one cant be and nobody is. so, what the hell is wrong if i took a decision of my life by say in my desi bhasha.."maine agar ek baar dimag ki na sochke dil ki isme galt kya hai?"
i mean, this is one thing that makes me feel "human". that makes me feel like a teenager. i am a teenager and i have no fb addiction, no phone addiction..i have never been to a stage where friends become more important than my family. so, big deal! if i have done something so stupid.. and so pointless. just because i was listening to my heart and had no wits.. oh my!
thankyou. gandhiji! your good deeds dint teach me much, the much your bad deeds did.

matlab life mai sab acha acha kiya..dher sara dimag lgake..aur life ke sabse important decision mai dil ki sunke ek decision shayd galt pad kya hua? we all are human beings. we are not machines to work upon set guidelines. be bold, proud and brag about wrong decisions you take. it teaches you so much. so, i conclude with this:
"if a failure has seen more life than a successful person, 
 i would like to fail...
 because to live...
 i will get a chance no more"

Saturday, 12 January 2013

the wonder years

the day of 25th December, 2012..just a month or so from now, i was watching this show.."the wonder years"...and channel comedy central telecasting its episode for ongoing special week. needless to say, it is a nice show..and that was a nice episode! but, unlike other episodes i watched,  that episode just touched me so immensely. i don't why...whether it was just the mood of me that allowed me to think so deeply and passionately..was it a huge and intense silence i experienced in my living room that i usually get meagre...or may be i was associating that episode's characters to some real life people..or whatever.

so, where i was. hm, the episode starts with kevin (the main leading character) and his friends sitting in their gymming room and their gymming teacher "coach ed cutlip" torchering them with daily routine heavy exercises. after the class, students remark "he has no Christmas spirit". this line simply touches me. i am an Indian by nationality and Hindu by religion. hence, i could not relate myself to Christmas as such. but, just i will feel about a person who simply doesn't feel much or feels special about say..a festival like Diwali.? as in. oh my! so much light, colours, gifts, sweetness, fragrance, flavours, friends, hugs...
same way, how can anybody have no Christmas spirit..???
what is he? a dictator by birth..or a Hitler by education..huh!

Kevin goes to a mall with his family and gets engaged in Christmas shopping when he suddenly sees a big Santa Claus small kids are getting their photographs clicked with. he just feels something so familiar about this Santa Claus and it takes no more time for him to realise that its no other than his coach ed. and Kevin, he feels..shocked, amazed, rather disgusting..or may be sympathetic about the fact that his coach has to do  a part time job..a job he may not like since HE HAS NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT just for a few more bucks.

and then later part of episode is consumed in  how from the very next day coach ed starts showing up extra flare for Kevin in classroom, bribing him with no class works, and some treats and a lot more i guess. but, the last part is good when coach ed trys to explain to Kevin with all sorts of things about why he took up that job in that mall...all his explanation being unconcerned and unheard to Kevin. to put in other words, Kevin doesn't give a fucking damn. and then in end, coach ed says...(i am sorry i am not quoting up correct words..).."i like kids."..this is fucking crazy..a guy who appears to be too tough from outside..too dark, strict and unconcerned...goes carrying himself in a probe of Santa Claus and getting himself clicked with small kids, he hardly knows who they are!

i feel, eyes are not to see beauty..eyes are disillusioned to see beauty. the true holder of beauty is heart. only a deep search into a person's mind could put you in a situation where you know how that person is. outer attire is simply a deception. how funny is that, i feel sometimes. you see something, and next moment somebody tells you its not what it appears..its an ILLUSION. this way, nobody we know the way he/she is should be that way. i feel time is just such an important, energetic and powerful factor. it reveals everybody. it actually familiarises us with a few ore things, people, relations, hills. sometimes, it takes time to recognise "REAL YOU". it takes time to know your likings, your life, your interests. amazing. sometimes, you see yourself as one thing..but..who knows how other sees you. !  coach ed seems to be a boring, Hitler-kind-of-a-man..but, i feel his heart must be full of healthy, loving and spiritful emotions for Christmas...may he loves children more than you or i do. may be he loves Kevin too.

this reminds me of a teacher i had had in my school days. he had a gigantic appearance, tall, wide, dark and was of middle age. even his voice was coarse and so loud that a single lecture of 2 hours was enough to put a headache to a student. i always stayed away from him, fearing his hard-cored appearance. once, i and a friend of mine were loitering jobless in the institution to find some teacher who could attend to our doubts. he simply bumped in and asked what did we want. we told him that we are looking for a teacher of xyz subject to got some doubts cleared. he called up somebody and somebody and then arranged for a teacher of xyz subject and said to him that these are my students and they are really too hard working and committed and asked him to attend to our doubts with full vigour and dedication. we really felt guilty of our prejudices about him. sometimes, an act of good deed could change people's perception about you so much. and then one day he was telling us how emotionally he was wounded when ..anyways..! the point is who had imagined such a hard looking man must be such an emotional freak to be attended to! actually, physical attires are just a fabrication. (-_-)

Friday, 11 January 2013

a place called "here"

A place called here
For all of those who already have an idea about this, well and good. And for all of those, who don’t, “a place called here” is the title of a novel I just finished reading in these winter vacations of mine. A beautiful novel, one amongst the best writings of cecelia ahern deserves 4 out of 5. No, I don’t have any intentions of writing a review on that book. For all of those who want one, can refer to google; and for all those who don't, lets chat.
“a place called here” describes the story of a girl named “sandy” who is desperate, frustrated, interested, curious..and a blend of all mixed up emotions one can imagine.  Hm, so, where I was, sandy is curious about the fact where all the things and even people go that are termed missing. She is curious about that sock of her which  was a blue one with white strap. She is curious about a classmate of hers that went missing when she was at the age of 10. This curiosity of hers finally takes her to a counsellor dealing with such people..’physicatrist’..a word difficult and repellent to be used.  Not only these, her craziness and temperament takes her to a stage where opening up a “finding missing persons agency” becomes her profession. And then one day, she finally finds them all. She lands up in a strange land..which is a ground for all of those people and things that otherwise go missing.  Not only this, cecelia ahern takes her imagination onto inaccessible heights when she says that even emotions, memory and feelings go missing. What goes missing is fragrance, smell and atmosphere of a few people, situations, places and emotions even! Imagine…oh my! This is a magnetic part of her write.

Let me share with you people the fact that her portrayed character of  sandy..shouts with the fact that she is creation of a girl.  Sandy..sometimes while speaking..say things that are going out of topic..she fusses about losing socks..or her favourite bag..or may be many more irrelevant and unimportant things..i don’t remember.  Speaking irrelevant things and a few more girlish things are just that let a reader like me enjoy ..encountering a g-talk.
Now. As I was saying, author talks about emotions, memory and even feelings go missing. Let us Keep aside the discussion of book for a moment..and lets chat. Have you ever fussed about that feeling where in you try to remember something but unable to..? you have had a memory of it..may be a name of a dear friend, a place you visited and enjoyed so much..or may be a seen remembered but not from where..these things’ memory just go missing..oh my!!!!..! These things simply went missing in that strange land. I know this is fiction. Not true. But, it sounds fun  and comforting. To imagine and enter such place. When I read, I simply don’t read. I go there, meet those characters, feel their emotions..its like a roller coaster..and imaginable people like this chick (I mean, the author of book..) just make me go merry by taking me into such wonderful places. I just happen to be remembering about that girl whom I thought of as my best friend..and  I eventually started disliking her for her changing behaviour. And one day, I realised that though some hot war has not broken out, we both have not exchanged abuses or cold expressions..but WE HAVE STOPPED TALKING. And that’s the end of relationship..i miss her no more…may be may be, my memory of hers must be shouting in pain, agony and crys in this land..because I DON’T RECALL HER ANYMORE.

Remember those days of my teenage life, when I talked to him for hours and hours. He and I exchanging warmth and care, and those things finished after a few months. He stopped missing me and so did i. may be, my memory of him and him of me, must be making silent crys and relaxed anguish of pain in that land. If I have forgotten it, the memory is actually missing..i must not be saying all that.  Ha ha! It must be so have had all memories to be lost and not to be lost be self-chosen.

And then her book  teaches its fellow readers that it should not be wrong for one to be curious..if you are..this is something, you cant help yourself with. Many a times, a few little things simply don’t matter to others. But, they pose some serious questions to others. Because others are simply not curious, they neither think themselves, nor let us think. But, no..we-are-what-we-are.  I-AM-WHAT-I-AM. If you are a keen observer, to an extent that you observe and simply cant make yourself unperturbed and oblivious to such things..don't go embarrassed. Its like..difficult being simple..but, enjoying being difficult... howsoever, painful and shameful it sometimes becomes.

And then hopefulness! May be you hope for impossible things. But, don’t stop hoping. Who knows, even the most impossible of impossible things become possible! Who knew sandy would land up somewhere in such a land? A place that was never there for all of us became “here”  for sandy. I know. This all is fiction. In actual, these things never happen and you might be feeling like talking to  just a little-sweet-girl-believing in wonders and fairy tales-and-ignorant. No! sometimes, if you hope for things with true spirit, they just happen to happen. Hope.. I wish I could have better words to actually arouse hope in every individual around me..and those words could actually be accessed, comprehended and absorbed by all individuals. Ha!

And then I like the line..
I can only assume that there’s only one thing more frustrating than not being able to find someone, and that’s not being found. I would want someone to find me, more than anything." 
— Cecelia ahern 
Simple and short words. But, too deep a meaning to be understood.  This evokes an idea in me..that one should not letting himself bound by walls..impervious walls. . .he should let himself  cast free. He should let him lose. Lose yourself. Don’t be afraid that you'll be lost. But, I would like to confess that this is something which “I, me, myself”  must learn  first and foremost. I am shying to sing,  dance or do stupid things in public..huh.. can I lose myself? I take it this way. Sandy was wanting somebody to find her when she was lost.  I  am wanting somebody to let me lose. May be somebody or something with whom/which I lose an extent..that I am just not able to find myself.. lets see.
Cecelia! Thank you for such a splendid reading experience! J J