Sunday, 30 December 2012

I am afraid for a few things to change.

From beginning of my life….a few things I have actually faced problem in coping up. Small, very small, extremely petty and unnoticeable things..things that are simply so tiny that they usually go ignored or unnoticed by people..rather, these things simply don’t exist for a few intelligent brains in these universe..but these things have always posed me serious threat…presenting their venom, intensity, and more importantly their force on me. I still cant forget my 6th standard when I  first changed my school. 6th standard was the 2nd most difficult stage of my school life. I still cant forget how I felt my world upside down. The previous school I had had was comparatively a small school..low in infrastructure..less exposure..less strength..and more importantly more comfortable. I still remember it was my 7th beginning when I had no desk partner..and my class teacher asked me: “isha! Full one year passed..haven't you made any friends yet?”
It took time..but things became better..and by the end of 7th..i was one with an appreciable quantity and quality of friends. And yeah, the studies which were very much unmanageable for me in 6th…became a child's play for me in 7th...when I brought myself up among class toppers..
Things appear difficult initially, but with passage of time..and with grace of god..and yeah, hard work ..things do happen...happen in a better and beautiful way!
And then when my batches were diluted in 9th according to our choice of subjects, my friends got into other sections. I always thought that things wont change, but they did. My friends changed, their interests..their way of thinking...
Not only this..with the passage of time, I realised that this is an eternal thing. Yes. We think of things being changing and conclude that nothing lasts forever. What lasts forever are changes. Changes will happen. In situations, in ideology, in society, in culture, in technology, in people, In clothes. Not only these. I have seen relationships changing. I have even seen my family members changing. 
I have seen myself change. I cant forget the time when in childhood, whenever I had to attend a wedding party, or a birthday party, or any other family function…I started counting days on my fingers. But now, these things rather make me feel "feverish". You are all brought up from college, or may be a best friend’s home, or may be absorbed reading a book, or sweated in your track suit after that hour of brisk walk.. all tired up..or may be engrossed in a daily newspaper...and suddenly you mum calls you up and asks you to brush up for some thing like this.. shit! See. Even I have changed. CHANGES ARE ETERNAL. THEY HAD BEEN, THEY ARE AND THEY WILL. THE ONLY PERMANENT THING IN THIS UNIVERSE IS "TEMPORARINESS OF EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY".
But, I will like to tell you why I picked up my pen today and decided to write about this. 2-3 days before, I met a school friend of mine..same classmate..i befriended in 6th. And today, I am in btech 2nd year. It was a planned meeting, we had lots and lots of fun. But, one can have fun with anybody. To have fun, two people need not to be old friends, or true friends, or people of same age group, or two compatible brains, or two alone!!. They must just be fun..that's it!
But what is more important..are the things that I observed in the due course of time.
Her asking me same question she had been asking me..since 6th. Her same goals. Her same talks. Everything is just the same. With her it feels..look! I have not grown up..i feel that time has stopped. She notices a certain expression of mine and remarks that I haven’t changed..she says that i till now gives that expression of rolling eyes… ha!
And ask her to stop spraying makes me allergic..deja vu! Its like being in  a situation you have had already been. I like people to be the way they were, they are and they will. But, I feel..afraid! scared! Things change . and so one day, this will .
May be she gets a boyfriend..may be  I get one. May be she gets a job some day..may be I get one. May be I become too arrogant If I get money in my own hard earned money..or may be she becomes same if she wins a modelling contact. You never know! Temporary things are always pretty or may be the fear of losing them makes them that much worthy. 

Sunday, 23 December 2012


Dreams! We dream of a few things to happen..small eyes..big dreams..we dream of a stage where we will be when our dreams will be fulfilled. And so we imagine… we think hard and hard. Sometimes, while dreaming, we reach somewhere we have never have been. We talk to a person we never had. We speak on a note we had never listened. We are just somewhere else. Dreams are okay..but, imagination is just so immense..we talk of magic..we talk of fairy tales..we talk of wonders.. is it not wonder in itself? We take ourselves to a place we never had been. We feel what we never had.. I look myself in mirror. Small eyes.  deeper are the wishes. How could two little eyes see so much? Dreams are a magic in themselves… they give you so much power, hopes, essence..they give meaning to your life. The flame ..the enlightning flame of life..flickers..but, never goes off… desires, wishes.. dreams!
how disillusioned one can get! Sometimes. These unfulfilled wishes..kill us. You may want something ..but, its  a dream distant apart.  . . its just so far away. Like see.
Stars are visible. They are pretty..oh..wonderful !    but, you just cannot reach them.
Dreams are like that indispensable useless  creatures we always encounter in our life!
keep smiling peepz!