Saturday, 14 March 2015

life has always something to teach you. with every new day, it teaches you something you never knew before. sometimes, the experience that teaches you a great deal is really haunting. you would never want to experience exactly that same thing in life again. but, i now feel, its okay. in the end, you learn something  and grow as an individual to become a much better and matured person.

i learnt something in past few days. a small thing which you all must have heard somewhere before. even i did. but yesterday i really experienced it. and you see, it is not something i want my audience to sympathize on. it is perfectly okay. it is simply an experience i would like to share.

you see. there are relationships we have with people. good, bad, very good, very bad. but you see, really good, very good relationships, they exist because may be the other person has really loved you a lot, a lot to deliver a lot of things. and you see, you really start expecting a lot from them. expectations. these can be a root cause of a few things to lose their charm. when you start expecting a lot from somebody and they don't really deliver that to you, you feel devastated. a part of your soul feels empty somewhere within. but, you see, the things may not really be that way from other side. to  all my fellow  readers, be happy in life. enjoy little things. and really, try not to expect.

in my opinion, care and love shall be like wind. it comes and bestows upon you all of a sudden. and you are left just to cherish it. it is not like something you expect for.

be happy! enjoy your life! read good stuff. keep smiling :)

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

"i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things".

"i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things".

there are times when you have absolutely nothing to do. and then there are times when you have so much to do. its natural to think this way. in times when you have nothing to do, you sometimes think so much. you think, introspect, consider, ponder, you mend decisions, speeches, and then you re think on what you have thought is correct or not. you may feel that in situations when you have a lot to do, these things wont ever come. they dont actually.  but you know the worst part, some thoughts are so strong, they have kinda nurtured themsleves in last few moments so immensly that they manage to strike upon your small mind with a great momentum. this really makes you feel weak about yourself. you realise that there are a few things you cant simply run from.  I wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. i actually never regret a few wrong things i did. reason?! point 1. since i usually dont do wrong things, doing a few wrong things helps make me feel human about myself. i feel i am not some alien from some foreign planet. i belong to this world. i am ordinary. point 2. every small or big mistake helps me grow as an individual. personal growth. 

but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. not because i dont like the things they are right now. but simply because when i imagine how the things must have been had those things be undone, thinking this gives me pleasure. the very thought of  being a part of completely different life somewhere sends a strong wave of some energy; a wave which starts somewhere from deep within my eyes (i keep dreaming all through my eyes all the time), and ends somewhere within my gut. it gives a strong tickling feeling somewhere within me and my eyes ...all filled with a completely abstract sense of happiness and satisfaction. but soon the very thought of this being a dream comes to me when that small tickling feeling starts becoming a pain. and that wave of energy is felt like a part of some painful soul screaming to get freed from this cage of dark body. but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things.

i still fail to realise about the complexity of a human mind. why is it the way it is. i mean, give it a thought. the thing which created everything --> buildings, ships, aeroplanes, robots, internet, computers, huh... everything.. that thing is still a FAILURE in able to understand itself. brain doesnt understand itself. 

 but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. if those things hadnt been the way they were, if. and if. the things now must have been entirely different.

Anthony Peake says in his book that there is nothing like "a universe" and that every person has his own universe and it is the universe of so many people which only interfere with that of yours. ha ha! this all makes sense sometimes. and when a person x dies, x dies in my universe and continues to live in his own universe and also in that of so many other people's universe he was linked with. lets work out what are the possiblities. 
1. interference- constructive and destructive. constructive. all right. we all know how some people make our place a better place to be in. we all have those well wishers in our life.

destructive. all right. this is your boss sitting on your head all the time and forcing you to do some ass licking task. and the worst part... you have to do it.

2. overlapping- you know. its love. that is why it is said. in love, i am you and you are me.

3. can there be anything possible besides these? is there any other possiblity? yes. the last possibility is that 'nothing' happens. for example, you dont know anything about my mathematics teacher. so, he must be a "nothing" in your universe. in other words, these are two waves doing nothing with each other. 

but then any thing else? is there any other possiblity with the waves? umm .. no i guess. okay. is there any other possibility, like in, is there any other person who doesnt plots in any region of venn diagrams of constructive, destructive and overlapping. yes! there are people who dont leave your universe as such. but then, they all of a sudden stop forming a part of your universe also, that is, they are neither constructive nor destructive and obviously not overlapping. i guess this is the point where the energys disturb. as in, what will happen to those waves then? oh my god! it is  sucha pain in my head to think all this. i told you know. brain doesnt understand itself. 

but then. i wish i could go back in time and simply undo a few things. 

but at the end, we wish. we could wish whatever we feel like. and you know what, this is the best part!

keep following guys!
i invite all feedbacks. you could comment on my blog or mail. tda. :)

Monday, 19 May 2014

speak when you cant speak

i cannot  forget my 1st - 2nd years of college life. those were the two years wherein i have absolutely done nothing. OR to put up in my words, those were the two years wherein i have done almost everything. those two years, i explored myself as an individual. a lot of things which i only thought of doing or had done had i been with ample time, those things i actually did. a few ups and downs, a few disappointments, a few negative outcomes, yeah, these things did follow; but, still, a few cherishable memorys i have always built up.

when it comes to friends, a few of my most awesome school friends, i have cherished really sweet memories, along with them. whatever, one thing i did "too intense or agressively" i should say in last two years is.. writing. lols. i never realised it at that point of time. but today, when so many people approach me, and discuss with me about my blog; not only friends, even a few strangers following me on facebook or mailing me on gmail, about my blog, i realise i have really invested a lot of time in writing. but, last year, that means, 3rd year of my college life, my blog and my writing habit has really seen a dormancy. i have stopped writing. this made me feel that "writing" is just one other hobby that possessed upon me and then descended.

but, its about a few days ago only, while travelling and waiting near bus stop for 832, i noticed something. it was a picturesque view. it entrailed me, striking strong waves of energy all through within my body. and it started happening. it is all shown in bollywood movies that whenver something unusual happens in the life of the leading character of movie, a song or  a  background music is played; relating to the feelings, emotions and situation of that moment. lols. no. nothing like this happens in my life. but, yeah, a kind of manifestation of a similar phenomenon. somewhere within me, starts a soundless recitation of thoughts and things which i am feeling at that point of time. its almost similar to writing. i definitely dont have a pen and paper to pen all that. so, it just plays somewhere within me. i can write when i cannot write. this phenomenon used to happen with me very frequently all the time. i must say i have a brain which cant sit idle. it leads itself in occupying itsef one or the other way. but, now, when it does happen to me, may be seldom, but it does, i realise may be these thoughts are just so natural. i dont intend to germinate or perpetuate  them. they are small vibrating figments of energy needing space to stabilise.

oh yeah. that picturesque view i had to talk about. near bus stop. the bench i was seated on, leaving one seat, on my left, was a couple of a guy and a girl. ok, i take my words back. may be they werent a in.. i dont know.. it doesnt matter. both of them were communicating with each other through sign language. yeah. they couldnt speak. the intensity, the flow, the grace, they were communicating was marvellous. i was able to realise the strings of love between both of them. i am saying again, i donot know how they were related to each other. but, then, there is love in all other ways other than romantic love. it all was so graceful. for a moment i felt, the level of communication they share is all above the way we communicate. sometimes, we really say a few things we dont really mean to. and sometimes,  few things are interpreted by others the way it isnt supposed to be. i know it is not really good to stare at others shamelessly the way a dozens of people were doing. its not good. but, yeah, to feel the warmth of their overflowing love, i couldnt resist myself to sneak a peek of them. here annd there, after a few seconds or so, i would rotate my  head in all directions and simply pause in left for a few seconds and then do it in the other direction to not give an idea about me being seeping into them. but, then who cares. a dozen of people were staring them, but, those two were talking. talking and talking. i felt a few things they infact dint communicate through sign language, they just dint, and the other simply understood. that. that. one moment i realised the power of a human. the divinity of god. the divinity of love. the divinity of expression. i write. some say. i write awesome. huh. and over there was seated a perfect example of "marvel" on to my left. all i wanted to see and see and see them and harbour the love, affection, and energy all within these tiny little eyes. their art of expression is above all of the other arts of expression we know.

 girls! i know girls like speaking so much. i know a lot of them. and i am one of them. when i speak and am with those people i actually like speaking to, i speak so much. infact, to know, if i have actually cultured intense love for somebody, i can try this as a footnote. the more i speak, the much i am in love with that person. this is the reason why my talks are always endless with my old school friends. i love all of them. i have read a few of novels written by "cecelia ahern". a few characters  i have noticed she builds, are really, really very girlish. the way her poignant character speaks.. with all expressions and all.. i really feel like i am actually talking to a girl. so, leaving all that, when a girl speaks, you know its a girl speaking and end of it! the end. so. when that girl started up with sign language, her body language, her gestures, her modulations (i know, for modulations to exist, you need sound, and she wasnt speaking), all gave an impression that you  are talking to a girl. and she appeared to be beautiful. for beauty, not a thing which is naturally unusual, can lessen it. beauty is beauty. its energy. its positivity you feel when you are around that epicentre of radiant energy.

and so the guy was all listening her..all mum. what i wanna say is..any lack of some physical sense, or some thing unusual, has no potential to take away the beauty. beauty and all the above love; all is divine. abstract. beautiful abstract. expression. you could express whenever you intend to. you dont need words. you dont need a tongue perhaps.

lols :D
i know i sometimes think too much. lols :D

keep smiling. keep growing. stay happy.
any feedbacks?!
please reply at:

Saturday, 25 January 2014

"you realise the importance of something once it has gone away"

this is nothing new i am writing here. in stories, articles, poems, those school lectures; we all have heard, discussed and read about it. but, then, how many of us have actually realised it. well. you must be relating this quote to some materialistic thing, people, some abstract like success, fame, power, etc.

well. lets talk about love. what is love? is it the one you have for your better it the one you have for your parents, siblings, friends.. ? whatever. lets talk about passion. is the love for your better half passionate enough? is your love for your family members passionate? well.. the latter sounds funny. isn't? passion in love for your dad, passion in love for your mom?!! huh? but then, i say for you to find passion in love, you need to stop loving. now coming back to where we started, "you realise the importance of something once it has gone away". for you to find if your love was passionate enough, was it actually passionate, the question can be answered only when it has gone. yes. my love was passionate. it was no less than a pure love. this i found only after i stopped loving. amazing no? the person you loved so much. now, she doesnt matter enough. its like. some craze, some passion, some fire..that was strongly and radiantly blazing, but, then it one or the other day has to go off. and so it went. being broken down by people one by one may not be a good experience but then it makes you become a saint i am telling you. mm. .. saint is not the correct word. the better word is "a human".. you do realise that.. the craziness about everybody...about everything.. i am telling you can go off with time. i mean, everything can lose its glitter. if everybody you detach yourself, a stage may come when you are no more attached to anybody. just imagine a stage where what exists is only a soul. an energy. stable. it must be an "out of body experience". i book i read a few years back. "is there life after death?" by Anthony Peake. he talks about the existence of an individual within ourselves: "the daemon". mm... for you to quickly comprehend, i can say it is something people say.. sixth sense, or may be guardian angel, or still more comprehensible, by saying, a soul. so, my point is how do you meet your guardian angel, if you have attached yourself to other elements of life. take it simple. for an atom of nitrogen, to combine with oxygen, it has to break its bond with that of another atom of nitrogen, only then it combines..what are we? are we not simply aggregates of atomic elements?

pain. it comes when those transparent strings are burnt in smokes of hatred, disappointment, jealousy or failure. it is an agonising, painful, active still dormant experience. but, what if those strings of postivity were never allowed to be established? what i am simply saying is for darkness to exist, light has to be there. for pain to exist, love has to be there. the very thought of trampling upon love to prevent pain sounds inhuman. it sounds depressing. it sounds abyss. but then, it is simply a thought. all thoughts need not be made into action. but, then, a thought arises from energy and energy is soul. it isnt human. thoughts are indeed desires of your soul. it is actually you.! you! you!

nice day ahead.

Monday, 2 December 2013

hello friends! i know i am writing for you guys..after such a long time. a few minutes ago, i was reading a blog by somebody. the tag line beneath the title of that blog says: "A Clairvoyant Look at Everyday Life". naturally, the first thing i did was, i googled the meaning of "clairvoyant". it says: "a person who claims to have a supernatural ability to perceive events in the future or beyond normal sensory contact"

i have to say! a few things are definitely common among bloggers, especially when they are writing on same genre. i mean, since years, i felt like giving my blog a tag line that could define my objective behind writing. or may be something that explains my style of writing or thinking more closely for my fellow readers. but, i failed to find correct words. yeah, even writers can be short with words. i am atleast. i am always short with words. emotions, feelings, ideas .. are always too much to be expressed in too less number of words.

i sometimes dream of a place or a universe, where i am all bounded with deep lush green trees and fragrant flowers. i have a typewriter to write and a millions or trillions of books to read upon. a world where words will never be too less. when i blog, i am always occupied by the idea, that, somewhere somebody for no reason must be reading this. and, that is why, i have to stop. when i write on days, days are always providing too much hustle bustle to do the same. and, when i write during nights, the peace-calmness-intensity and the passion i write with gives me goose bumps about if i will ever stop. hence, i dream. a few things could be said 'literal', even by writers. i mean, you guys suppose writers-poets-philosophers.. as a bunch of mad men talking.. all in metaphors-puns.. ..and so on. indeed, they do. but. i mean, literally, i dream of being lost in a land of green.. tall and dense tress with wide canopy.. wide so wide..that no sunshine enters in. but, slightly lesser than too wide to let the cool breeze and milky light from that moon enter in during night.. and a few orchids and jasmines to blend their sweet fragrant into it. and me, sitting amidst all these; reading all that i dint know and writing all that i have always thought off. 

a few people complain of me not writing since so many months. a few things you stop doing because you just dont want to go into it. but, a few things you stop doing because you know there is no escape out of it once you go into. though, you might have so desperately wanted to go in.

"if there could be a universe i may relive in
 it would be an imagnable one 
ironically, it is the only one that doesnt exist"

thankyou guys. and your feedbacks are always welcomed.

Monday, 29 July 2013

knowing real you!

knowing real you!

tag: philosophy, psychology

i really dont know how many of the people are like this or how many of the people reading my blog are like this. the only thing i know is that there are definitely a few (if not many) of people like this and i belong exactly to this category.  like what? okay. i am  talking about those people who are so much into knowing others. as in, my endless thought procedure, my childhood habit of reading those things and my addictive passion of writing has put me into  comfortable niche wherein all the people i meet, i am always into knowing them. my instinctive and curious mind is just so restless and impatient into knowing them. this goes for almost everybody i encounter regardless of their age, sex, profession, region, etc. i just want to know them. to make the things more easy for my fellow readers to comprehend, let me make it like this. i go for a meet-up with my best of best friends and one of them happen to bring some friend of his/her along with him/her. now a new person to meet, to share views, to look upon; here my mind is like.. it goes into something. the best thing about people like this is the fact that such people are an inexplicable expert in the art of knowing people. just a look, a few gestures, a few more words the stranger uttered or may be the moving around of their eyes and yeah, you know a lot about them. but, then a few characteristics (let us call them type 1) about people you can always judge at first go. i repeat, you CAN always judge at first go. judging or not judging remains a personal choice. i think that is exactly what happens in dividing people in two groups: group 1 are the ones who do and group 2 are the ones who do not. the latter could, they simply opt not to. or to put up in more realistic words, they don't care. or to put up in my words, their senses haven't been aroused to the extent that they start caring. okay, a few characteristics (type 1) of the people you can always judge at first go. but, there are a few more characteristics (type 2) you cannot; or for that matters, nobody could. for example, if a person is a way too much knowledgeable, say, about geography of India, how would you know about it until and unless this discussion comes up. but, this is too technical. let us say, a person is a way too much fussy about his/her personal belongings. you can never know about this feature of him if you haven't lived with him or shared a same roof for at-least more than half of a day. but, then how many of us share shed with the fellowmates we live with?!

whatever, this all started from people of group 1 knowing characteristics of type 1. and so, these people (who like to judge and conclude), can actually boast about this talent of them. but, the glitch being, they, with the passage of time, get a strong feeling that what they know is all correct. it indeed is. but, a few, a very few of times, those characteristics of type 2 that were supposed to be belonging to type 1 are judged by people of group 1. but, because these characteristics are actually of type 1 and not type 2, these are misjudged (not always, but, if we go by pure mathematics, it is 50% of the times). so, this, exactly 'this', is the moment that makes the 'boon of knowing' possessed by group 1 people as a 'bane of knowing'. a pure bane.

 i sometimes pity such people. these people cant help. the others they meet sometimes occupy so much of space into their minds and it is disappointing to realise that the formers are actually very tiny or uncounted pieces of existence. for instance, the friend of your best friend who just happen to be there in the meet-up coincidentally. this person is somebody to not be thought off. he doesn't and indeed shouldn't matter. by the way, do you believe in coincidents?

by now you must be thinking, how this thing carrys us to the caption "knowing real you". for all of those who are either belonging to type 1 or may be belonging to type 2 but are able to associate to a friend/ family member/ an acquaintance or may be a past alter-ego of themself, go on reading. hm.  so, if a person is so much into knowing, he must be so so so very much into knowing himself. a simple word for long boring story aforesaid. introspection. how many of you actually introspect. is it a kind of introspection that comes naturally from within or is it some kind of induced introspection. for example, say, you notice yourself scoring less and lesser of marks in the exams day by day. do you think by yourself why is it so. in case, yes, it must be a kind of introspection that comes up naturally from within. in case, your parents/ friends/ classmates make you realise about your deteriorating student profile and makes you accountable for the same, making you to ponder deep into this matter, it must be an induced introspection. anyways, how frequently you introspect? does the conclusion you withdraw from your long deep and extensive thinking the same or it varies. etc. the point, i am actually deviating from. i meant to say that if you are a group 1 person trying to know about you and yourself, and if anyhow, you happen to think about your type 2 characteristics, you may be misjudged. what i want to say is: i feel that such long lost thinkers generally don't even know about themselves or they are confused. or they misjudge. a few of introspection is good. very good indeed. but, thinking too much about yourself just because you know you could may be futile as a few things you actually could not. by the way, i don't believe in coincidents. just telling. tda.  (-_^)
keep reading. keep smiling. stay growing.

Friday, 19 July 2013

the ego and the desires

a human mind changes its priorities, its aspirations, desires and a few more things with the passage of time. a few things that were on your top aspired things a few years or months ago, hold no relevance for you now! success. it is completely an inexplicable term. or i should say it doesn't exist. what exists are desires, their fulfilment, extent to which they are fulfilled and subsequent arising of more desires. a few days ago, i was reading this book..a small 10-15 pages..i got it downloaded.."birth, life and death of ego".
really intriguing it was. a few things it talked about were like wow! i never appreciate a book by hard facts, choice of too uncommon words or some high-fi concepts it discusses. i mean, yeah. these things also matter me a lot, but, for a book on a genre like this, what impresses me the most is the depth. the depth, the abyss environment, an eerie silence and a satisfactory conversation the author develops in this small piece of writing is like wow. i am not very much into pros and cons of a language. i don't think much in this aspect. but, yeah, i do think sometimes of soul.. soul and desires. i think "ego" is same as what i think of "soul". or may be, they are analogous. i think sometimes .. in fact.. so many times.. what are desires? one thing is obvious. we all have some of them..whether, small, big or too big. something too much fancy or may be something very superficial.. i think i am not sounding too high to you. as in.. becoming a doctor, engineer, or getting highest marks in coming up exam, or may be receiving a huge round of applause when you are singing on tunes from your favourite singer. or may be a long trip to a small hill station ..are all very superficial things. you know you can get them. but, people like me live physically at one place and mentally some where else. i am a lost spirit.. fibres of imagination at every split of a second. i sometimes ask from a counterpart of mine. this all is crap..isn't?! but then, it feels good. i have imagined about flying, fairies, snakes, a lost world, demons,  angels or so many things at one stage or the other of my life. i dream and wake up only to realise that it was a dream. i infact think too much about what happens to a spirit when it is dreaming..bullshit..isn't?! but, i cant help..those books of neurology and endless shows..i ..a jobless creature keeps sticking onto..has made me like this. anyways, have you ever undergone a stage where all of your dreams, desires, aspirations got fulfilled. a few, very few of you might have. i had. can you discuss with me how it feels to be self-accomplished. to be satisfied. to be contented. how it must a feeling be? good. mm . it is at one stage. but, not for a longer duration. the author in the book aforesaid, says, "ego is desire and death of desire is death of ego." this sentence in the book hit me. it hit me hard. i think for a reader to actually like a book, it is not essential for the author to hold you for all through the journey..sometimes, an incident explained, a small theory proposed, or even a small thought in countable 10-12 words are more than enough for an author to capture a reader. i mean, the whole time while reading, half of the things, and most importantly when the author keep creeping about "language"...really made me feel nauseatic..but..a few things..and then the true meaning of ego..actually, its birth, life and indeed well explained. those things just..they just..i mean, you think about those things long after you have read them. "ego is desire and death of desire is death of ego". this is so damned true! a stage, where your all desires are fulfilled, you get a feeling where you don't know, why do you exist?! your existence, the existence of your soul.. you actually try finding the reason and what you get.. is null.
so, what?! keep desiring.. shall we never get out of the vicious circle of desires. but, why do we want to come out of it. to kill the ego?! wont the death of ego will be your death?! what is ego?! does soul exist?! or you exist, because soul does!